


Dark Skies; A Shining Star

by ReloadTheWorld



Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Actor Tom Holland, Actors, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Boyfriends, Depression, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hearing Voices, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Intense, M/M, Male Friendship, OTP Feels, Real Life, References to Depression, Romantic Friendship, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie), Stars, Supportive Avengers, The Cure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22046275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReloadTheWorld/pseuds/ReloadTheWorld
Summary: Jake was to the left of him, the taptaptap of the pads of his fingers ceased as he leered off into the distance. He turned to face Tom unexpectedly, his clear blue eyes sparkling with wonder. “It's beautiful, isn't it?” his soothing, soft voice questioned. Tom nodded, suddenly feeling out of place. His stomach dropped, the joy in his mind rinsed out and replaced.
Relationships: Jake Gyllenhaal & Tom Holland, Jake Gyllenhaal/Tom Holland, Tom Hollend Jacob
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29
Collections: Friendship is best ship





	1. The Limo The Voices A Star

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! I started this MONTHS AGO and it's been in my docs so long I thought I might as well finish it! Comments are really appreciated!!!!
> 
> (Note, this is only chapter 1)
> 
> The things I mention here (most of them) are of personal experience (inner dialogue, "not being scared of talking about your emotions, but not doing so because of the uncertainty that what you're thinking is fake" ) I thought it would be interesting to mention, I wonder if anybody else feels like that.

The feelings Tom is currently experiencing are not his usual feelings.

Well, they're not COMMON, for him anyway. Anxiety and stress have never been much of a bother to him, he's always been able to work it out by himself without putting out much effort; his parents and friends have said that it’s a very special, useful ability to have and he's lucky to have it come across as a second nature. He's never really thought of it like that, but he hasn't taken it for granted, either. Since he can usually work everything out quickly and efficiently, he rarely has to talk to anyone about it because by the time he gets around to it, whatever he was feeling temporarily or permanently swung away from him.

The downside, however, is that he typically plays off everything in his head as him just being dramatic or tired-

**“Stop being a baby, Holland.”**

**“Someone didn't get his beauty sleep, did he?”**

**“Christ, it’s not a big deal, stop thinking about it already!”**

and never the possibility that he may be having major issues, and BECAUSE he pushes all of it away without thinking much of it, he’s not solving the issue- more like dropping a bouncy ball, holding it in the air for a while after gravity pulls it back up, and dropping it again. You can only hold it for so long, no matter how secure your grip is.

  
  


Don't get it wrong, The actor KNOWS what the warning signs for emotional troubles are; he would just rather ignore them until they go away. It's not that he's scared of bothering anybody with his feelings, it's that he's not sure if what he’s thinking is as much of a bother to him as he's making it out to be. After all, thoughts are confusing and nearly impossible to control when you're constantly busy with certain activities. Like acting, ESPECIALLY acting. Oh, how much Tom loves acting. It's one of his favorite (if not THE favorite) hobbies other than golfing and feeding ducks. Whenever he gets called in for an audition his heart jumps out of his chest and screams. He loves everything about acting: the drama, learning to work as a team with costars, getting to MEET costars and molding your character as a part of your own, a part of you.

It's why he loves playing Peter so much; he makes Spiderman who he is, almost as if he IS Spiderman. Being able to have a positive effect on people through his work makes all the minor struggles worth it... but lately, everything feels far from minor.

* * *

  
  


He didn't notice the change at first. Him, Jake, Zendaya, Jacob and the rest of the crew had been in Mexico for about a week, A quarter through filming Far From Home. The city they were in was beautiful; everything about it, the places and the people, it was all so stunning and gorgeous and nearly _perfect,_ if there was such a thing. One night after a BRUTAL 12 hour-long filming session, Tom and his group of 3 decided to take a tour of the area in a limo.

The car was full of noise: the t _ap tap tap_ of Jake's fingers against his knees (a little habit of his, Tom had come to realize) Jacob’s snores, Zendaya's occasional humming, and Tom, babbling about nothing and everything as usual, nonstop, Jake making occasional commentary so he would know he's not being ignored.

The air that came in through the cracks in the windows was dry but sweet, the night above dark but gentle; faded specks of stars littering the sky like someone had lightly flicked a paintbrush of white at it. None of them had ever seen or felt anything like this in their home country; nothing this _captivating._

Tom turned his head away from his window and averted his eyes to the left of him, and then around in a circle. Jacob has his head propped on the seat in front of him, his body loose and relaxed. Zendaya was sitting cross-legged next to Jacob, staring through the sunroof with wide, amazed eyes, her lips parted in awe, and Jake was to the left of him, the _taptaptap_ of the pads of his fingers ceased as he leered off into the distance. He turned to face Tom unexpectedly, his clear blue eyes sparkling with wonder. “It's beautiful, isn't it?” his soothing, soft voice questioned. Tom nodded, suddenly feeling out of place. His stomach dropped, the joy in his mind rinsed out and replaced.

  
  


_“You don't deserve to be here.”_ He thought. _“You've done nothing great to get this far other then say a couple stupid lines- millions of other people wish they could be in your place right now, and they can't, so why are you happy? Why have joy?”_ He shook his head, hoping to take the thoughts away with it.

_“Do you know how lucky you are to be here right now? It's all luck, Holland. Talent is one thing, but luck is make it or break it, and you have no talent-”_

“Hey Tom, you okay?” The sudden hand on his shoulder made him jolt, nearly bashing his head on the ceiling; how funny that would have been.

“Huh? Oh, oh yeah yeah I'm good.” He said quickly, embarrassed.

“Are you sure?” Jake asked. “Because you suddenly got kinda pale, are you sick?”

“No, no just…” he took a slow breath in and yawned, leaning back in the seat slightly. “tired. Just tired.” He finished, closing his eyes. Jake nodded, his gaze knowing, seeing through him. How, how can he _see_? And so quickly?

“It’s okay, that's fine, I get it. Would you like to go back to the hotel?” He asked smoothly, gazing at him with a concern that only a best friend or more could have for another.

“Do you want to?”

“That's not what I asked.” Tom huffed, rolling his eyes.

  
  


“Uh, yeah, flat sounds great.” He responded, oddly in an American accent. Jake directed the limo driver to turn around the way they came, Zendaya pouting in protest. “But the stars are so pretty.”

“Sorry, Z. Tom is tired, we can tour more tomorrow.”

“Okaaaaaaay.” She moped, shutting the sunroof and stretching.

_“You ruined it.”_ He thought _. “Everybody was having a good time and you ruined it, Holland.”_ He shook his head, snapping his eyes shut. “No, I didn't ruin anything, you're being idiotic. We have more days to do everything, so be quiet.”

_“You do realize you're telling yourself to shut up?”_

“I will kill you.”

“ _That would be interesting.”_

“Shut the fuck up!”

“ _Make me.”_

The anger he felt was indescribable. His hands involuntarily scratched at his knees; never wanted to inflict physical damage to himself so badly.

**What is with you?**

“I don't know.”

His older friend took him by surprise, wrapping his arm over Tom's shoulder nonchalantly, pointing to the stars.

“See those ones grouped together over there? They look like a cat.” He commented easily, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Tom chuckled loosely, confused but thankful. “I guess they do, don't they?”

  
  


The rest of the ride was peaceful and free of static. He didn't have time to think, because whenever his mind steamed for inner conflict, the man beside him gestured to another star, as if detecting his turmoil, until all he thought and all he could see were the bright twinkling lights, and one sitting right next to him.

  
  



	2. Peace; A dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then again, dreamland was supposed to be a place of peace, 
> 
> where none of your worries or fears could touch you- 
> 
> what's there not to smile about about that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This used to be a lot shorter but I added to it because it felt as if it was missing something. I think it's really important to have people who levvy us back to normalicy, and to have a support group to lean on and naturally know how to comfort you. In this case, it's Jake. :) let me know if you like it or if you have any ideas!

Halfway to the suite, Jake’s star inspection adventure cut short when he finally dozed off; his head resting lazily on the window. As he slept, his arm continued to dangle loosely around Tom's collarbone. The corner of his mouth had pulled together like a fish hook- a relaxed, easy smirk in his slumber. He seemed so _at peace._ Jacob could be awake and still seem tranquil, of course. But there was something about how his joy and content carried over even in REM that made Tom smile himself.

Then again, dreamland was supposed to be a place of peace, where none of your worries or fears could touch you. What's there not to smile about about that?

* * *

  
  


The rest of way back was nearly soundless, minus the _hum_ of the tires, or the scuffling of his boots on the floor boards, Zendaya's occasional page flip of the book she was reading. The limo had passed the darker part of the city, so streetlights and blinking lights began to shadow the ones in the sky. No stars meant no interest- in Zendaya's case anyhow.

It was mostly externally soundless. However, internally, his consciousness was buzzing- not as crude or convulsive as before; more like a constant rotating chatter, reverbing in its own random, spontaneous loop. Tom administered no attention to it this time, he was still euphoric from his recent memories. The stars, Jake’s smile, Zendaya's beautiful humming, the way the ambrosial Mexico air was tinged with honey and the aftereffects of light rain.

He managed to get absorbed in his daydreams; sleeping with his eyes open. When the limo approached the hotel, it had felt like only mere seconds had escaped him. After lightly shaking Jake back into reality, Tom stumbled into his room dazed, proceeding to collapse onto the bed like he'd never seen one in his life. He was so tired that it was as if all the beauty he'd seen that night had made him drowsy and forget everything that had happened with him earlier.

Unfortunately, a soft knock on the door had him trudging away from his ‘sanctuary’ to reach the handle, curly hair sticking to his face in all directions.

“Oh, Jake?” He said, surprised by his presence. “Hey, what are you doing here?" The older actor leaned against the door frame, appearing confident but also slightly timid. Though he stood straight and tall, he rocked back and forth on his feet, wringing and curling his hands together like giant funnel cakes.

“Well hey Spiderman,” he started, a lopsided grin gracing his features. “Dozing off, were we? How's the fellow wall climber?” Tom's eyes did a backflip. “Speak for yourself.” He coughed, clearing the sleep from his voice and the uncertainty from his breath. “But I’m good, good, thanks for asking, mate.” Except the ‘mate’ came out in a strong British accent. The rest of his words jumbled together in his character's quirky American pitch. He cleared his throat, rephrasing.

“I'm fine, thank you for your concern. I was just tired.”

The look Jake reflected back said ‘I don't buy it’. Even so, kept his skepticism to himself. “I'm just checking on you, ” he admitted. “You got really quiet mid-sentence back there, it scared me because you never seem to shut up.” He chuckled softly, mostly to himself.

“Look, this is sudden, but if you're ever having any issues, don't be scared to talk about it okay? Hold it too long and they explode; that's how dams burst and things float away from you. We're a team, all in this together, so don't try and be a one-man show, alright?”

  
  


Tom blinked back at him, perplexed. “What made you think I wasn't alright? Other than not speaking? Because I was fine, no need to get all worried just to come up here wasting your time on a lost cause.” He opened his mouth agape, backing up and flailing his hands in front of him as a defense.

“Something that’s not there! I meant something that's not there! Lost cause, not a lost cause I didn't mean-” Jake’s eyebrows raised at his banter.

“I get it, I get it, okay!" He exclaimed. "Just, if something’s ever wrong, something being anything, tell somebody, okay?”

“I still don't understand why you felt the need to march 

up here at midnight and say that. I mean I appreciate it!

“Well, I've always meant to, ” Jake fibbed. “ I never got around to and I thought maybe now would be convenient'" He rubbed the back of his neck with his palm, sheepish. "but seeing how late it is, I guess I chose the wrong time.” 

“No, no it's alright! … Thank you for coming down here, and saying that. You didn't have to.”

“Yeah, I know,” He aceeded. “but I wanted to, though I should probably head back soon before I pass out on set tomorrow. The movie would be kind of pointless without me.” He joked, humor laced in his tone.

**He thinks he's better than you**

  
  


“Hey, Tom? I didn't mean for it to sound like that, don’t take that the wrong way! I just meant- what's a movie without conflict? We don't watch things for smooth sailing, there's no fun in that. Things aren't entertaining when everything goes right.”

‘ _Oh, he was joking, no harm. See? It's fine.’_

**Can't even take a joke, can we?**

  
  


“So, I guess I'll skedaddle. See you around, web-slinger?” Tom glanced down to his feet, nodding. “Okay… Mister Villian.” Jake scoffed, pitching over to ruffle the other's hair. “Hey now, that's _husband_ to you.” Tom turned his nose up at him playfully, shoving Jake out the door and waddling back to his bed, burrito-ing himself inside the sheets. For a short moment afterwards, the sound of faint laughter ricocheted down the hall in which the walking star came.

As his eyes shuttered closed like the flickering of a camera lens, he reminisced to when he was hooked to his harness once on set. The wires had gotten caught; leaving him dangling in the air almost for 3 hours. Instead of making a big deal out it (even though he was freaking out on the inside), his friends down below struck up a conversation (and several jokes) as maintenance worked to fix it.

  
  


Everything ended up fine, and now it's a fond memory of his. It's things like that- kindness and compassion and people like that- those kind of things that bring peace to his woes and carry smiles into his dreams.

  
  



End file.
